23 hours ago
Monday, February 28, 2011
The love of my life showing off his NASCAR pants -#24 car in front of him too!
My heart is breaking even more knowing that less than an hour it will be March 1st. Thinking what Hayden went thru these next 17 days just a year ago. I lost my very first grandson, the love of my life March 17, 2010. My son, Chris, and his wife, Trish, lost their child. My Mother and Father lost their first great grandchild. My sons, Steven and Matthew, lost their first nephew.
We were all placed into this "club" that no one wants to be in. Yes, we are in great company by other parents and grandparents who have lost a child. We all share a common bond of grief, loss, heartache, emptiness, and many tears. And all of our arms are empty. A club that others outside of us do not understand. For they haven't shared a loss and they can not comprehend the sheer devastation that each one of us carry deep within our hearts. Some stay, hold our hands, give us hugs, listen to us, dry our tears. Others, turn and walk away or even run. Because they are afraid or not sure how to handle the loss themselves. Adding another loss on top of a greater one.
I keep looking for those steps to Heaven to bring him back home with us, but I can't find them. I still have the plastic tub of cheese balls that we used to eat together at the computer watching CARS, Mater the Greater, and Wall-e.
As for me, I will continue to carry Hayden's love for his Nana deep in my heart. I can't wait till I get to Heaven. I hope Jesus doesn't mind my running past him to grab Hayden up in my arms - then I will let Hayden introduce me to Jesus and tell me everything!
I love you Hayden with all of my heart!!!!