10 Years and This Is All I Get?

....a card...a simple card... that I did not open...


I spent 10 years of my life with this man. I loved him with all of my heart. I did what he wanted and asked of me. I never cheated on him, lied to him, stole anything. I was there for him.

My Mother had her surgery December 3, 2011 and he was not there for me. He was busy putting in a kitchen floor with a friend for a wife who can't stand him. She told me she "tolerates" him because he is a friend to her husband. All I got was excuses. No gas, no money for gas, don't get paid till the 15th. My Mom had a heart attack - didn't show up to be with me or Mom. She even asked about him several times. I wrote to him on the 15th to see if he was coming to visit my Mom. He was going to work late that day and going to NC to see his son graduate and wouldn't be back late Saturday. That is the LAST thing I have heard from him. I've tried several times to write to him, call him, text him, no reply at all. Just dropped off the earth as far as it comes to me and my Mom. Mom asked about us one time when she was in the hospital and I had to tell her he was gone with no explanation at all.

How can a Christian man, a Catholic man, do such a thing? I never did anything wrong to him or his family to deserve to be treated this way! I wrote to his Mother, trying to get her to see what was going on, hoping she would help him, knowing it would break her heart to hear and see what her son was doing - yet I am the worst person in the world. The entire family turned on me. He does no wrong!

I personally blame Facebook. He got on there and started playing games and then meeting women. He broke up with me twice over women on Facebook. Then the gambling at 8 different casinos. But he doesn't have a problem, so he thinks and tells everyone. Regardless what anyone says: He is a lost soul and he needs help. He needs lots of prayers. But they won't come from me anymore. I can't. He hurt me, my family, and my Mom. And he has to live with it and will face our Heavenly Father one day and be held accountable for this. No confession on earth will amend the pain he has caused to me and my family. Just as I will have to face my Heavenly Father and be held accountable for the pain I hold in my heart now. The anger I have inside over what he did to my Mom and my family. What I say and speak is the God's Honest Truth. I have no reason to lie. My trust has been shattered and I will live a lonely world to protect my heart from being broken again.

Yet today, I get a card in the mail. A simple card is supposed to erase the pain and show his sorrow in the passing of my Mother? After all that he did?

Why???

Happy "would have been" Anniversary

Today "would have been" mine and Chuck's 9th anniversary together. It's been the hardest 10 days without him. 10 days of tears. But I'm ok, as ok can be. I went to the grocery store the other day and a song came on. The words hit me so hard. Trace Adkins - "Help Me Understand". I started crying in the store. I wanted to run out. But I paid for the groceries and left. People looking at me like I was crazy.

On our first date, Chuck took me to the Grottos. Because I love Angels. He said it was a test. That if I loved this place, we would be fine. It was a beautiful place. So peaceful. Our first kiss was by the statue by the entrance. Was so afraid the Nuns would come running after us - so funny! Then he took me to the Elizabeth Ann Seaton Center. Another beautiful place to visit. After our visit there, he took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner - Cracker Barrel!

Only memories now to hold onto now........

I thanked God everyday for the past nine years for bringing Chuck into my life, only to be gone in a heartbeat. I'm going to the Grottos today to visit memories and thank God for letting me have these past nine years with Chuck and pray for peace, healing, and understanding.

My family and friends tell me to let go, there's nothing more I can do. I will always love him. There will be no other. But my heart isn't ready to let go.

Happy "would have been" Anniversary Chuck - I will always love you!

Thru my Heartache, I'm on Cloud Nine!

Tomorrow will be a week since Chuck broke up with me. Nine years gone over another woman on Facebook and those stupid games. It's been a very tough week. I'm trying hard to move on. But memories just eat me up inside. I lost the love of my life. His birthday is next Sunday and I'm already doing the "what if's"...

ANYWAY...

Today I received a letter from Virginia State Senator, Jill Holtzman Vogel, of the 27th District about my charity, HeartFelt Angels. I want to share this with all the members of HeartFelt Angels, friends, families, and hospitals we serve:

Dear Elizabeth:

I wanted to send you a note to commend you for all of efforts to help families that are in need. Also, I wanted to congratulate you on a wonderful article about you in the Northern Virginia Daily. I know that this is my second note to you, but you are a great inspiration and you are very deserving of the continued recognition!

HeartFelt Angels is a great project and I applaud all of the selfless acts you and others who support local families in need of infant clothing.

Congratulations again and please do not hesitate to contact me if I can ever be of help in any way.

Sincerely,

Jill H. Vogel

(Side notation) Congrats again!!

*** Can you tell why I'm on cloud nine? This was what I needed to bring a smile to my face and into my heart again. I bounced around the house like a little kid - "Look what I got"!

My charity needs me, my family and friends needs me, and I am appreciated for HeartFelt Angels and the work we do for so many people. So... back to crocheting for the babies!!!

My Neighbor's Home

My youngest son, Matthew, and his girlfriend was sitting on the front steps of our house, before it got dark, and noticed smoke coming out of the neighbor's house across the street. Matt came in the house, got me to look and it was on fire. I called 911 and told them there were dogs in the house. Rhea's car was there and wasn't sure if she was or not. So Matt went over knocking on the doors and windows, along with another neighbor. He went around the side of the house and starting jumping up to look over the fence and saw the flames in their kitchen. I couldn't find her number, so I called my oldest son, Chris, who was friends with them. He didn't have her number, but told me where to call for her parents. They were with her parents and got to the house. My heart just broke for them seeing the firemen carrying her dogs out to the front yard, limp. She has beautiful dogs, Huskys I think they are. She loves them so much! They have the prettiest bright blue eyes! The firemen gave the dogs oxygen and even tried CPR on one dog. She had two older dogs and 4 older puppies. I helped her Mom get them to her car and called the Vet for them. They rushed them to the Emergency Vet office. One of the puppies died in the house, and last I heard they were working on Yukon. Others were fine. Yukon has been around a long time! We all know Yukon! But so heartbreaking. Rhea just gave us an invitation to their wedding next month, July 25th. I just spoke to her the other day out front about it and told her I had it on my calendar! So much going on in their lives and this happens. I had a difficult time trying to sleep last night. Please keep Nate and Rhea in your prayers!

Chuck had his other kidney blasted this morning! I got a couple hours sleep and was afraid of over sleeping - don't you just hate that? Everything went well. I hope they find out soon what is causing these stones. He's getting tired of them! :) 3rd or 4th trip now - I can't remember!

One more thing to share: Yesterday, I was cleaning house and was in my grubby shorts and t-shirt. Decided to go into town and get Mom and I some tacos! Just a quick trip, ya know??? So I did! Then went to McD's and got a sweet Tea (yumyum!) and Mom a Coke. I made the turn to go back the other way and right at the traffic light - my car dies! I was so embarrassed! People were blowing their horns, flipped me off - like I could help anything! Anyway, Police came behind me (Thank God!) and I got the wrecker there. I was out of gas! I was looking at the gas station from where I was sitting! No one to push me! So he loaded my car up on the wrecker and TOWED me to Sheetz! Put gas in my car and he had to jump it cuz I was so nervous holding up traffic I stalled out the battery trying to start it!!! LOL OH! And my hair was up in a pony tail and my bangs, which needs cut, were pinned up on my head and yellow flip flops that I crocheted red eyelash yarn around. Now wasn't I a pretty sight??? LOL But that turned out to be the most expensive tacos in my life! I have all the luck! hahaha

I'm Back!

Wow...where to begin?

This is Hayden playing in the pool with his Dad and Mom, in my back yard. He wanted me to get in and I said Nope! hahaha



This Hayden and Uncle Matt playing with cars in Uncle Matt's bedroom. He has the Jeff Gordon car in his hands - no better car to play with, huh? :) Hayden was recently diagnosed with having Microcephalic. (Just after the loss of his baby sister) He's 2 years old and only weighs 23 pounds. They say his head is the size of a 5 month old baby. We are taking him to University of Virginia for a second opinion and to get him better help. He's such a cutie and so smart! Lil' guy has been thru alot lately! Please keep him in your prayers? Thank You!



Here is a pic of a hot air balloon that frequents the air around our neighborhood, the past few years. This was 2 weeks ago. One summer, he landed right behind my house! It's such a pretty balloon - I never get tired looking at it when he comes around!



I made these 25 pairs of baby booties for a charity, Children's Aid, in Virginia. One of my crochet groups I belong to has different charities they crochet for each month and this charity was for the month of May.



Two of my son's co-worker's asked me to make them a pair of baby booties for friend's having babies. So these are the two I made for them. (Sorry for the blurry picture!) The blue pair came from an Annie's Attic pattern book dated 1982! Old pattern, but still a cutie!


As for family:

I have to go to Chuck's tonight to stay and take him to the Surgical Center tomorrow (Monday) to blast his left kidney - he has kidney stones! He is in alot of pain. After his CAT scan, the Dr said he has more stones in the right than left, but the left has a stone blocking. So he has more pain on the left side. Nauseated and fever too. I'll be glad when he is stone free! Maybe I should get one of his stones and mount it into a ring, or earrings???? LOL (Just kidding!!!)

On Tuesday at 0630, I have to take Mom to have her colonoscopy! It was changed because she was on Coumadin and Plavix and we were not told to stop the Plavix too! So had to reschedule the appointment. Then my youngest's sons birthday is that day, along with my charity meeting at the hospital that night. (I need a twin or a clone!!!)

As for me - I had an arthrogram (and those things hurt!!!) and MRI last Weds. for my left shoulder. I fell cleaning my bath tub and shower and messed up my shoulder Dec. 2007. I had surgery in April 2008 and ended up with a frozen shoulder. Had months of physical therapy. Then after I used up all of my time at work, even an extension on FMLA, I was placed into the Per Diem position. When I called a few months ago to check on my job, they hired someone in my place and I was terminated March 27th! I'm still having pain in my shoulder, still can't raise it up straight or lift dishes into the top shelf. It's been a nightmare ride with this injury. So I have to go see the Dr. next week and hopefully he doesn't say surgery again! He said I can go back to work, but it would have to be an office job. 1-33% use of left arm, can only lift up to 10 pounds. Can't find a job with those numbers. So I keep on going the best I can! So much for being a nurse! But thankful I can still crochet! :)